I read something today about Pastoral leadership and anxiety, and it hit me. It was not just about Pastoral leadership. It was about the Christian life, and simply being open to being fully honest with God in prayer.
In this, Psalm 139:1-14 says,
“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.”
Did you know God already knows your sins, pains, and struggles? In other words you are not going to surprise Him or catch Him off guard. He already knows! Why then does it seem like so many need to hide our deepest emotions and temptations in personal private prayer?
If you are struggling, facing challenges, fighting temptation, frustrated, weary, and anxious it is always the best policy to just open up to God. It is freeing to live in the place the psalmist lives, because nothing in our life is going to catch God off guard, and no matter what you are facing His love for you is the same. Talk to God, no matter what He can handle it and will receive it with mercy and love.
It is in this kind of open and honest conversation with God that leads us into deep spiritual self-reflection through the empowerment of His Holy Spirit. It’s in these kinds of prayers that the Holy Spirit often leads us to the wonderful confession, realization, and plea of the concluding verses of Psalm 139:23-24,
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
In some translations this word anxious is included in verse 23 and is translated to say, “know my anxious thoughts.”
It is here God will meet us in prayer. I often find in this meeting God asking me a simple yet profound question. Why?
Why are your thoughts so anxious?
I’m reminded it is because of me and my sinful nature, not God, or my circumstances, and He meets me there in my doubt, in my fear, and in my anxiety. Lovingly reminding me of the hope I am given by Him, the council I find in Him, and despite my many failures and sins the forgiveness I have in Him.
This process of open honest prayer leads us to great peace, and your burdens will become lighter because you will remember you do not carry them alone.